Depression

I feel like I'm in such a depression cloud and I don't know how to get out of it. It's been such a strange few years for me, and I feel like I'm sinking further and further. I know I need to change jobs, and that will help. That's been such a life sucker for me. What's hard to believe is that the partners don't see it but everyone else from SLA does. Why is that? Why do they refuse to see the writing on the wall? They can't change anything, but at least they could acknowledge that there is something going on. The firing of Christa seems to be the last straw. Why her? Why not the other office manager? What were their reasons? I can't see it. And I've been in such a blah mood for months now. How can I get out of it? I don't even know anymore. I have no desire to do anything but watch TV. And there's nothing on, but still, that's all I want to do. How pathetic is that? I blew off a party today - but I did have to study (which I did) and do some errands (which I also did). But I have no desire to work out, which I need to do. I've got the triathalon coming up, which I'm not prepared for, and the Wine & Dine half, which right now, I wouldn't be able to do at all. I have to get back into shape. I'm so disgustingly fat that it's really sad. And that's part of my mood issues as well. I have to make some changes. I want to make a dream page so that I can keep my life in order and have something to shoot for. 1. Pay off Capital One 2. Pay off Disney Visa 3. Pay off NWFCU Credit Card 4. Pay off Citicard 5. Pay off Vacation Club 6. Get down to 170 7. Get down to 160 8. Get down to 150 9. Get down to 140 10. Get down to 130 11. Get down to 120 12. Finish swim in 13 minutes 13. Finish bike in 45 minutes 14. Finish 5k in 35 minutes 15. Finish 1/2 in 2:50 I need to keep adding to this, and to keep working on it. Today Bonnie told me she's going with Joyce to visit Beth. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know she's going because Joyce asked her, same as her coming here because we asked her. I guess I wish she was coming here first. Sometimes I feel like we take second place. Or I take second place. I understand Beth wanting visitors. She's going through a lot right now. I wish she would reach out - we might be able to help her.